I know what you're thinking, do I have a point? This column will probably piss quite a lot of people off, but I basicaly don't give a shite. I'll put my e-mail adress on the bottom so feel free to abuse me over the net as much as you want(But if you think that I'm bad, check out Steve Turners page and prepare to be offended)

I am not moaning for myself here, I take the side of the poor people who go through there lives as the ridiculed. Take for example the poor 'people' that work in McDonalds, my heart goes out to their families right now. I would like to know what the job description is for a typical McDonalds job, I think it would go a little something like this:

WANTED

Certified idiot with little or no experience of handling money and appalling hygienic standards to stand behind a counter and look comatose all day. Must be able to ask ridiculous questions such as "Are you eating that inside the restaurant" at least 10 million times per hour and get the amount of change to be issued wrong 75 % of the time. Must be able to break milkshake machine at any given moment and not understand the meaning of the sentence "I said no Gherkins in that".
Shite rates of pay and hours of ridicule from any friends you may have are included.

People who work in McDonalds must stare at the bin men as they fly past and think ….."If only" In fact they should look at funerals and think "if only".

On the subjects of different sayings, one that everyone hates to hear is the famous:
"Got any spare change" I mean come on, these people sit by the roadside with dogs that look as though they have just swept the board at crufts and act as though they haven't had a meal in weeks. That’s because they spend all there money on there damn dogs, that’s there stupid fault!

The type of homeless people who give me a good laugh are the one's who play the instruments. How much does a guitar cost, life cannot have dealt them such a bad hand if they can still afford to buy themselves a new instrument. I'm just waiting to see the remaining members of the 'Beatles' strumming chords on the sheffield high streets dressed in rags and asking for some spare change. The funny thing is that since these instrument playing bums have appeared on the scene life will get a little harder for the street walkers that aren't musically blessed. When it comes to being a bum if you don't have a degree in performing arts, then you ain't getting my spare change.

The final insult I will throw at the homeless people is the way they ask for money, who actually has any spare change, do you actually think of some money as being spare?

When it comes to victims I can think of one set of people who live their lives in the shadows, usually their own. There are nice ways to say it; big boned, metabolically challenged, but lets face it they are fat as fuck. Some of the funniest things you can see involve fat people, here are a few of my favourites :

Fat people eating chocolate
Fat people running for the bus (see those tits bounce on both sexes)
Fat people in a heart clinic
Fat people falling over
Fat people trying on clothes they think will fit
Fat birds who think they are god's gift to men
Fat people who's cars need to have the suspension on the drivers side replaced twice as often as the rest of the suspension on the car.
Fat people

I like it when I am standing in some fast food resteraunt behind a rather plump member of the public who see's fit to order 17 cheese burgers, 9 portions of fries and then, to compensate for all those calroies, a large Diet Coke. THAT DOESN'T MAKE UP FOR THE MILLIONS OF CALORIES IN THE BURGERS!!!!

Okay, that’s it for now. I think we have established that the saying "The grass is greener on the other side" has definate use in todays world, forget all the grass cos the fat people will eat it up as soon as they get there.

I'm sure you are dying to slag me off and report me to some authorities so do your worst, I'll be back soon with some more grief so till then, I bid you good day.